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Romney picks Ryan, shocking revelations begin

Posted by Richard on August 11, 2012

This morning, Mitt Romney introduced Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan as his vice presidential running mate. A few hours later, a Jaynesville, Wisconsin man declared that Ryan was responsible for the death of his wife when, as a college student, Ryan was driving the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile. “She was so distracted by the sight of that Wienermobile that she hit a telephone pole,” Adelbert Goopooch explained. “She was incapacitated for quite some time, had to give up her job, and took to drinking. Seven years later, while inebriated, she slipped in the bathtub, hit her head, and drowned. She’d be alive today if it weren’t for Paul Ryan.”

Early this afternoon, Sen. Harry Reid, an alleged pederast, announced that he’d received a phone call from someone who once attended a Ryan campaign event who assured him that Ryan had never in his life paid his taxes.

ABC News and MSNBC have launched independent investigations into rumors that Ryan once hired a lawn service that employed undocumented workers and that Ryan once owned stock in Staples and thus is connected to Bain Capital’s death squad money.

There is of course absolutely no evidence supporting any of these claims, but the seriousness of the allegations requires the mainstream media to treat them seriously.

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